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On Manners (Thinking in Action), by Karen Stohr
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Many otherwise enlightened people often dismiss etiquette as a trivial subject or―worse yet―as nothing but a disguise for moral hypocrisy or unjust social hierarchies. Such sentiments either mistakenly assume that most manners merely frame the “real issues” of any interpersonal exchange or are the ugly vestiges of outdated, unfair social arrangements. But in On Manners, Karen Stohr turns the tables on these easy prejudices, demonstrating that the scope of manners is much broader than most people realize and that manners lead directly to the roots of enduring ethical questions. Stohr suggests that though manners are mostly conventional, they are nevertheless authoritative insofar as they are a primary means by which we express moral attitudes and commitments and carry out important moral goals.
Drawing primarily on Aristotle and Kant and with references to a wide range of cultural examples―from Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice to Larry David’s Curb Your Enthusiasm―the author ultimately concludes that good manners are essential to moral character.
- Sales Rank: #895324 in Books
- Published on: 2011-11-13
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 7.60" h x .60" w x 5.00" l, .60 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 200 pages
Review
"Intelligible and interesting to the lay reader; yet scholarly enough for the professional ethicist, On Manners is Karen Stohr’s elegant calling card. I trust that the other public intellectuals will return the visit by reading the book." –Howard Curzer, Texas Tech University
"Drawing on Austen, Kant, and Seinfeld, blending powerful and precise thought with graceful and inviting prose, Karen Stohr has written a book that is not only wise, but warmly hospitable. When you read it, you’ll learn just how very important that is." –James Nelson, Michigan State University
About the Author
Karen Stohr is Associate Professor of Philosophy at Georgetown University in Washington D.C., where she is also a Senior Research Scholar in the Kennedy Institute of Ethics.
Most helpful customer reviews
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful.
Fascinating, compassionate and accessible while teaching me much that I didn't even know I didn't know
By Amazon Customer
This book was an unexpected and fascinating revelation about a world we all inhabit daily, one that occupies our thoughts and creates numerous tiny anxieties without us usually becoming aware. Aside from being a delightful diversion, the few hours invested in this compassionate book will be richly rewarded in a more nuanced and empathetic understanding of these daily interactions and how to approach them for the benefit of all.
Why is a crowded elevator so awkward? What about what to do when you see an acquaintance approach on the other side of the street, or a colleague in the hallway at work? Say hello too soon and one creates those awkward seconds of continuing to approach with nothing much to say. Say hello too late and it feels like a snub. Then when you pass that colleague again later that morning, then what?
More extreme, how does one behave at a formal dinner when presented a multitude of carefully arranged glasses, forks, knives and spoons? On seeing a guest at one such dinner drink from their freshly presented finger bowl, Queen Victoria nonchalantly drank from her own. That one vignette reveals volumes about that fundamentally decent yet formidable woman and the core values behind good manners.
Comedians would find much in this book as source material for sweet, self-deprecating comedy.
Manners done right are about being aware of these tiny anxieties in ourselves and others and structuring our actions to reduce them while honouring the agency and dignity of the people we interact with. In so behaving, manners become basic practice for more fundamental morality.
With this book I'm struck about how an awareness of good manners is fundamental to a TV series like 'Downtown Abbey'. It is the expert and seemingly effortless practice of manners that makes that era look so attractive and those with good manners seem so fundamentally decent, despite being so undeservingly rich. Those lacking such facility with manners recognize their skilled application by others, even as they struggle to understand how they could treat others as well. This well mannered and accessible book by a professor of philosophy helps illustrate the higher principles at work which, in turn, makes it easier to know how to treat others as they would wish to be treated.
As the book ably points out, manners can also be used for ill. Using them to create arbitrary rules to show up others as uncouth is certainly not good manners. More seriously is the belated insight of the US civil rights era that recognized and challenged the seemingly polite southern practice of addressing African American men as 'boy' while other men were given the dignity of 'Mister'. Such manners fail a fundamental test and good manners then requires challenging them, despite the awkwardness.
Though more than a worthy book, I was disappointed to reach the end. I'd have loved more stories and more examples. In my hunger, it has become apparent that this book has not yet reached the wide audience it deserves. Several times I have refreshed its page on amazon, hoping to get suggestions of similar books, only to see a selection of unrelated books that I myself have purchased. While not helping me find other similar books, it has been an interesting look into amazon's recommendation algorithm.
As it appears that only the book's author is likely to read this review, know that this book has had more influence on me than any I have read in some time - and I read a great many books. This book taught be things I didn't even know I didn't know about situations that happen several times a day in my life. It has given me principles I can apply to do a better job of being the kind of person I would like to be.
3 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
"I show up with Pepsi and Ring Dings..."
By DCGeek1
If you are a Miss Manners or Austen fan, or if you have ever asked why you can't show up at a party with Ring Dings and Pepsi (Seinfeld - [...]), then you will thoroughly enjoy this book.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Five Stars
By Julie
Funny. Accessible and relevant. Very well done.
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